


Lovesong

by frantic65



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 23:27:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10501671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frantic65/pseuds/frantic65
Summary: He was mine...always...and I would always love him.Ennis Del Mar's unspoken love song to Jack Twist





	

_Whenever I'm alone with you_  
You make me feel like I am home again.  
Whenever I'm alone with you   
You make me feel like I am whole again. 

I have always claimed him as my own. 

From the moment I realized he wanted me to fuck him, as unnatural and immoral as that desire may have been, I knew it was inevitable that it would come to pass. 

I had seen with my own eyes the horrors such a coupling could rain down upon our heads, but somehow everything that was wrong with the world...and my life...disappeared when I was with him.

And in time, I found that I would risk everything for a few more days in his company. He became my touchstone, the reason I could survive the endless procession of dead end jobs, and disapproving glances from Alma.

He was mine, and whenever we were together, I felt like I finally belonged.

I admit that by the end of that fateful summer on Brokeback Mountain he was mine to lose...and lost him I did, in a spectacular and what I considered to be permanent manner at the time. 

I thought of him often as time passed, especially in the quiet pre-dawn hours as I lay next to my wife, listening to the soft rustling noises coming from the direction of the room where my two daughters lay innocently sleeping. They were the only good things to have come my way since I had wished him farewell with a violent outburst that guaranteed there would be no lingering good-byes, or plans to stay in touch.

After that summer, I lived a half-life; the act of surviving and providing for my family absorbing the lion's share of my time and my ability to even consider what might have been. Yet, I had no false hopes that we ever could have continued with things as they had been when we were alone on our mountain.

Then, out of the clear blue Wyoming sky, he reached out and contacted me, and suddenly an intense longing to touch him, hear his voice, see him again, consumed me. Against the better judgement of the part of me that remembered what death in a ditch looked like...smelled like...I responded eagerly, my desire to reconnect stronger than my fear of the tragedy such a reunion might lead to. 

I settled down to anxiously await his arrival.

And when I saw his face, smiling up at me with unmitigated optimism, the shadowed need that promised he was still mine alone...well...suddenly I threw caution to the wind and rushed headlong into his arms. 

I was home again.

 

_Whenever I'm alone with you_  
You make me feel like I am young again   
Whenever I'm alone with you   
You make me feel like I am fun again 

The next few days passed in a blur of passion that burned as uncontrolled as any wild fire, consuming me in a manner that felt like the rebirth of my very soul. I longed for things I knew I could never have for more than stolen moments in time. I had delayed far too long to hope for a better outcome.

He watched me. I felt his eyes on me, sometimes wistful, sometimes hungry, always with a glimmer of hope, that desire I secretly shared to find our way back to the beginning, to regain the youth and innocence we had let slip like the softest sand between our fingers. 

We laughed and played, but in the end I refused to give in to his foolish dreams. He offered me his heart, his undying love and affection. I was tempted to take his hand and take a chance, but in the end I convinced him that time and distance wouldn't matter, not to us. I thought he would wait for me forever, but in the end, I found that I grossly miscalculated.

But for many years that followed, he became my Christmas morning, the reward that was always there waiting in the wings at the end of the long, lonely months apart. 

He made me feel alive again, yet I never realized until it was far too late, that I was killing him a little more each time we said good-bye.

_However far away I will always love you_  
However long I stay I will always love you   
Whatever words I say I will always love you   
I will always love you 

There were times I couldn't get away from my own obligations to meet up with him, and with each lost opportunity, I only grew more eager to see him. Eventually, I realized that he only grew sadder. 

I couldn't find the words to tell him that he was my one perfect thing in the world, but I swear I tried to show him every minute of every day we spent together. He was always on my mind...and in my heart. 

Even when I turned him away, after my divorce from Alma came through, I dreamed about a different ending to his visit, and I tried to let him know how sorry I felt about it the next time I saw him. He told me he understood, and entered me slowly that night, keeping me on the edge of release until I was a begging, pleading mess beneath him. And when he stilled inside me, making sure he filled me completely, before finishing me hard and fast, I thought he'd always be there...mine and mine alone.

It was a cool night in early October, yet drops of sweat had fallen from him like rain, even after he shot his seed deep within me. I remember curling my body protectively around his as we lay cocooned together in our tent. I glimpsed a haunted look in his eyes after his spent cock slipped from my ass, pale moonlight bathing him in an eerie glow. A look I didn't understand until much later. 

It was a look I would soon find as familiar as the tears I had mistaken for sweat, but giving him up was never an option for me. 

He was mine....always...and I would always love him.


End file.
